our wedding
29 june 2003

marriage is the best drug i've ever been on. it's hard to write about our wedding and honeymoon without sounding somewhat sappy but i'll do my best to keep the "hallmark" quality to a minimum. i'm probably still riding the high of the wedding day but i didn't really imagine that such a shift would occur. over the years, i've been told by some married friends that nothing really changes, it just is better in some way and i've also been told that it feels quite a bit different. i would have to go with the latter opinion. i'm trying to pinpoint what that difference is exactly. some ways of describing it come to mind. having been a performer for many years, i'd have to equate the thrill with being on stage, which is in itself an emotion that feels like nothing else. it's a sense of being home, feeling incredibly centered as if nothing could shake up your world at that moment. but performance is fleeting and there's a real letdown afterwards. this is now part of everday life, the natural order of things. certainly it's a gift for me to be able to experience such a sense of belonging and knowing how i fit in the world. it's calming and strenthening, both, and i feel as if i can face anything put in my path. this is a new one for me so i'm not taking it lightly. i knew i wanted to marry gary a month after i met him. it was well worth waiting for.

we are so glad we decided not to elope. our festivities started a week or so before when our friend, ken and subsequently our friend ann, both from denver, arrived early. ken hadn't been on a plane since 1998 so we were extremely flattered that he overcame his phobia in order to celebrate with us. ken's sister, june, who lives in ireland, also popped over and the party was growing. it's rare that you get to spend time with people for more than an evening or so when you are caught up in the scheme of everyday life but in this situation we had lots of time together. gary and i both took the week off and in spite of the rain and cold, were able to do some fun touristy things toodling around this fascinating city. by wednesday gary's sister, carol, had arrived and the incessant laughter began with her entrance. i hadn't seen her for four years! she was sans hubby and kids, which was a rarity for her. she brought with her her brilliant sense of humor along with her contagious smile and ability to bring out the best in anyone close to her. gary and i were having some tense moments {to say the least} and she was able to temper them for us. she also brought snaps of her lovely family and a very special wedding present. rachel, her fourteen year old daughter, wrote us a book called "around the world in 80 cat days". it tells the story of our cat, tuxedo, as he tours the world unexpectedly. i hope rachel remembers her aunt and uncle when she becomes a famous novelist.

on thursday evening our friend hilda hosted a dinner party for us and our out of town guests. she had the flu but had no intention of cancelling. de and sandra, from boulder, had now joined us. gary and i met at their wedding in 1995, and since they had a hand in this, wanted to be sure not to miss it. there were eight of us being wined and dined and champagned in hilda's magnificent canal house. it wasn't warm enough to be outside so we had to drool over her spectacular garden from indoors. there was something very special about seeing our american friends mingle with our more recent european friends as the evening sailed by and we lost track of time. hilda eventually "invited" us to leave since she was sick. i viewed this as a compliment to our hostess for creating such a pleasant atmosphere.

two days and counting. {i actually started counting at 11 weeks; i guess i was pretty excited.} having been fairly organized from the beginning, there was little left to do by friday. somehow, i kept finding things though. this was the day of my ladies' gathering to celebrate my passage out of singledom. i didn't want a traditional bridal shower. it was more of a "hen party" as my british friend lesley termed it. she and another friend, sandra, organized it. i originally thought it would be fun to have a picnic but it isn't smart to plan anything that's weather dependent in this country. so we decided on "high tea" at blakes, which is a uniquely designed contemporary hotel in the center of amsterdam. having been written up in several "style" magazines, i felt pretty pish posh about the location. it was so much more than high tea- we had champagne, sushi, sandwiches, tea, and sweets. they made me a special dessert of clotted cream with fresh raspberries clustered in the shape of a heart. the highlight was once again seeing my women friends mix and mingle and bond with each other. i had been adamant about not wanting gifts but did they listen? NO. the girls decorated the table with the most exquisite roses, blood red, and peaking. they put together a care package of stuff such as tiny heart shaped candles, "kiss me" lip gloss, and "chill out" blend incense. man, i needed that! i have been blessed with many wonderful friends and when they started reading speeches and personal thoughts, it was never more clear to me how rich my life is. they also gave me more serious, meaningful gifts. when carol read her piece, we were ALL in tears. she spoke of our connection the first time we met a few years ago and of how much it means to her to be gaining a sister in law and as i think of her words now, i start to cry. i love what she said and how she said it. at about 6:30 {tea started at 3pm}, the staff told us they needed to set up for dinner and escorted us to the lounge. by then gary and a few of the guys had arrived and shortly after, we wrapped things up. if this was any indication of how joyous i might feel on sunday, i was now really looking forward to it, although it did seem a bit surreal.

suddenly it was saturday and i was desperately trying to cover up the mounting hysteria growing inside me. we went to the airport to meet karen and her sister kathleen, and nancy and wendell, longtime friends from the states. karen was a close friend of my father's and it was a great surprise to learn she was coming to the wedding. we all had lunch together and then separated. the next time i would see my friends would be at my wedding!!! gary and i spent a quiet day silently freaking out {well, maybe just me}. everything was done. i considered getting up at 4am sunday to do some yoga but i decided six was early enough. i slept, not all that well, but enough. what exactly were we thinking when we planned a ceremony at 11am? this means that i had to start getting ready at 7:30, being the neurotic that i am. indeed, miguel, my hairdresser, arrived precisely at 7:30 dripping wet.......IT WAS POURING RAIN! i had tried to let go of expecting good weather earlier in the week and in the end it didn't really matter what the weather was doing. gary was either delirious when he woke up or trying to stay positive on my behalf. he looked out the window and said "look, it's not even raining". yeah, right. he went back to sleep anyway as i traipsed upstairs to our neighbor's apartment to get ready. they were out of town and offered us their place.

an eerie calm settled over me, which i know miguel and my friend harold, who was doing my makeup, didn't expect. neither did i. carol was also having her hair done and we were chatting normally as if it were any ordinary day. i was pretty sure the zen feeling wouldn't last. we were ahead of schedule finishing hair and makeup at about 9:15 with a whole hour to kill. i only had to get dressed which wouldn't take too long. i came downstairs to our apartment and gary was nowhere around. so much for the zen thing. i was sure he had changed his mind and bolted. runaway groom. harold said, "don't worry, i'm sure he's somewhere". "where?" i asked. i then pulled my thoughts together and realized he must have gone out to breakfast, which was confirmed when i called him on his mobile phone. this action represents the difference between men and women. it was right around then that i started to feel a surge of adrenaline, not the healthy kind. i got dressed and got really shaky. gary came back and not long after, our friends joe and bill arrived. not a social call but joe made our wedding cake and wanted to set it up, as we would be coming back to the house later for a champagne and cake reception. bill was doing the cake decoration and of course we weren't allowed to peek.

as we alighted from the taxi in the rain, gary kept stepping on my dress. i knew we should have rehearsed! i was completely caught off guard as people started taking pictures before we even got in the door. i somehow expected that no one would be there yet but i was way off base on that one. the civil servant, peter, met us and whisked us into a private room where my ornamental hair comb promptly fell out. i sent someone to find harold. karen, one of our witnesses, wasn't there yet, the boutineers wouldn't stand up straight, and i was wondering how it could feel like such chaos after all our meticulous planning. i declared that i just couldn't go through with this. gary said, "don't worry, it's not a performance" but indeed it's the ultimate performance and as we walked in, our guests started applauding; gary held my hand really tight, and i knew i would be fine. peter headed the ceremony with a sense of humor and a bit of the dutch edge. it was simple, as we wanted it. we each read a poem and had asked peter to read something we chose. i didn't cry but felt on the verge of tears for most of the day. i had never been to a civil ceremony before but i really liked how it felt; very unpretentious and it seemed to suit us perfectly. we had each written our own vows and it was a momentous feeling to look into gary's eyes as i read mine.

as the ceremony concluded, the sun popped out. we came out into the courtyard of the historic west indies house and were showered with bubbles. gary and others were repeatedly stepping on my dress but i guess that just goes with the territory. we mingled and then meandered over towards the restaurant where we would be having lunch. it was very close by and was framed by a canal, which is where we took many of our pictures. we invited each guest to have a photo taken with us so we can send them a copy. the wine was now flowing and thomas, our wonderful photographer guided us around the neighborhood, setting up creative shots. we went onto a houseboat, sat on the steps of a canal house, and of course borrowed someone's bicycle for the ultimate amsterdam photo. we were more than impressed when we picked up the contact sheets last weekend and it wasn't easy choosing because there were so many interesting pictures. i'm sure my father who was a professional photographer, specializing in weddings, would have been pleased.

the lunch was at restaurant de belhamel. we choose this place because it is decorated in art nouveau style and has a great kitchen. we served a three course menu, with choices including vegetarian. specialty of the house was a combination of veal and salmon in a basil cream sauce, which i'm told was divine. everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. gary and i were blown away by the speeches made by our friends and family. karen read a poem, written by a woman from boulder; carol wrote yet another moving speech; our friend bill went on to tell of our immediate and ongoing bond with him and his partner joe {creator of the awesome wedding cake}. the most unexpected speech came from fede, gary's italian colleage. i had been hearing about him for a long time and finally met him at our wedding. his charm was obvious at once. he told us that one night he and gary were in bologna and after a few drinks, gary recited a flowery poem in italian {of course}speaking of his passion and undying devotion to me. we were practically crying from laughing so hard. our guests were riveted as fede spoke in that most romantic of languages intensified by the orchestral accompaniment he chose for the occasion. it was a hoot and so is he. we were very flattered by the whole performance.

our lovely lunch drew to a close at about 4:30 and we headed over to our house for the next phase of our celebration. we had kept everything in the neighborhood so we walked, accompanied by some of our guests, being congratulated by strangers as we made our way home. the party was already in full swing. we had rented glasses and dishes and had hired someone to oversee the serving. as i glanced at the cake, i was brought to tears; it was that beautiful. joe had created a platform, three tiers high, and bill had outdone himself decorating it with fresh peonies and roses. it was truly a work of art and tasted equally delicious. a few months ago, joe had offered to make the cake and asked what we wanted. gary said "cherry garcia, like the ben and jerry's ice cream". joe then made an audition cake, which we were completely happy with, and he dupliated it for the wedding day. we had invited quite a few others to this reception. our little flat was packed with people. at the height of the party, gary mesmerized us by playing a chopin nocturne in Db {OUR nocturne}, which he wanted to share with me specifically on this day. he then accompanied my friend, sandra, who sang "my funny valentine" in her exquisite voice. this has always been a favorite of mine and holds special meaning, as gary sang it to me out of the blue on our first date.

the day was zipping by; i couldn't believe it was time to go to dinner. we had chosen a restaurant called "frenzi" and 25 of our guests joined us for more exceptional food and drink. we started with tapas, which is a specialty of the house, presented on a platter with tiers of various foods. i wasn't hungry at all but managed to sample a few. we then chose a main course and dessert was optional. it was relaxed and cosy and we loved the fact that we could continue celebrating with good friends. although we were winding down, we managed to take some silly pictures, which captured the joy of the occasion. after our goodbyes with most guests, we recruited carol, who had no escape route since she was staying in our apt. building, and joe and bill to help us clean up. uproarious laughter followed until we were about to expire. we finally had to end our wedding day. originally we had planned to go to a hotel but changed our minds. this was a good idea as we passed out, clothes strewn about the room and my hair wild with leftover hairspray. we woke up early as the rental company came to retrieve their stuff. we just kept reliving the whole experience and declared that it had been exactly the wedding we wanted. i used to think that i would never want a wedding because of the fairytale syndrome it was hyped up to be. i wondered how your day to day life could ever match the expectation of that one day. now i know.

stay tuned for part 2: our honeymoon.

with love,

mrs. deborah mcbride